The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because the are
generally the same people.



A bus station is where the bus stops. A train station is where the train stops. On your desks,
you have  computer work stations. Hmm....



Q: Why was the math book sad
A: Because it had too many problems



The congregation was shocked when the pastor announced that the only sure way to get to heaven
was in a Honda. He then supported his statement by quoting Scripture, saying, "We should all be
in one Accord."



After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how's things?" "It's all
beautiful, God. The sunsets are breathtaking and everything smells wonderful, but I do have one
problem." "Oh? What's that?" "These breasts you gave me. The middle one pushes the other two out
and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, or snagging them on
bushes. They are a real pain!" She went on to suggest that, since the rest of her body consisted
mostly of pairs of parts, maybe having only two breasts might be better. "Good point," said God,
"I'll fix things right up." God reached down, removed her middle breast and tossed it into the
weeds. A month later, God visited Eve again. "Well, Eve, how's my favorite creation?"
"Fantastic," she replied, "but I do have another suggestion. All of your animals are paired off:
the ewe has a ram, the cow has a bull, every animal has a mate except me! I'm lonely." God
thought a moment. "You know, Eve, I think you're right. My bad. You do need a mate. I'll create
you a man from one of your body parts. Now, let's see... where did I put that useless boob?"



A woman had just packed her family off to work and school when her gynecologist called to ask if
she could come in for her appointment earlier--in less than an hour! She reluctantly agreed,
rushed upstairs, threw off her pajamas, wet the washcloth lying on the sink and gave herself a
quick wash to be presentable. She tossed the washcloth in the clothes hamper, threw on some
clothes, hopped in her car, and raced to the doctor's office. Lying on the table, trying to
pretend she was in Paris, she was surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra
effort this morning, haven't we?" After the appointment, she heaved a sigh of relief and went
home. When her daughter got home from school that afternoon, she called out from the bathroom,
"Mommy, where's my washcloth?" "Just get a fresh one from the cupboard, honey." The little girl
replied, "No, I want the one I left by the sink. I saved all my glitter and sparkles inside it!"




THERE WAS a man who fished every day and always came back with a good catch. Eventually, the
game warden decided this guy must be doing something illegal. So the warden put on old clothes
and made friends with the man. ?I?ve noticed you always catch fish,? the warden said. ?Can I go
out with you?? The fisherman shrugged. ?Sure,? he replied. ?See you here at 5 a.m. tomorrow.? 

The next day, they went fishing together. The fisherman steered his boat into a remote part of
the lake, then stopped. He opened his tackle box, took out a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and
threw it into the water. After it went off, dozens of stunned fish floated to the surface.

The warden was astounded. ?I caught you red-handed,? he said. ?I?m the game warden, and you?re
under arrest.? The fisherman said nothing. He reached into his tackle box, took out another
stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and handed it to the warden. The fisherman then asked him, ?You
going to talk or fish??




A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" reached the final plateau. His next question
was worth a million dollars. As he suspected, the question was no pushover. "Of the following
species of birds, which does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of
other birds? A) condor; B) buzzard; C) cuckoo; or D) vulture?" He didn't know. He had used his
other lifelines; now all he had left was his Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. But the only friend whom
he knew would be home was a blonde. But he had no choice. He called Jenny, read her the question
and the four answers, and she instantly responded, "Oh, that's easy--the cuckoo." Although he
wasn't that confident in Jenny, her response was so quick and confident that he was persuaded.
Crossing his fingers, he said, "C: The cuckoo." "Is that your final answer?" "Yes, that's my
final answer." Regis replied, "Absolutely correct! You're a millionaire!" The next weekend, he
hosted a party for his friends and family and his guest of honor was Jenny, the blonde who
helped him win. "Jenny, because you knew the answer, I won that million dollars. How did you
know that?" "Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows cuckoos don't build nests. They
live in clocks!"



A sixteen-year-old boy drove into the driveway with a new Porsche. His parents gave him the once
over. "Where did you get that car?!" He calmly replied, "I bought it." "With what? We know what
a Porsche costs." "With my allowance," said the boy, "this one only cost me twenty bucks."
"Twenty dollars? Who would sell you a car like that for twenty dollars?" "That lady up the
street," said the boy. "I don't know her name, but she saw me ride by on my bike and she asked
me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for twenty dollars." "Something's wrong here. I'm going to go
right up there and see about this!" said his father. But when the dad got there, he found the
lady calmly planting petunias in her front yard! "Did you sell a car to my son?" "Yes, I did,"
she replied. "For how much?" "Twenty dollars." "You did? Really? Why?" "Well," she said, "this
morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was away on a business trip, but last
night I learned from a friend that he ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and didn't intend to
come back. He told me that he was stranded, needed money right away and I should sell his new
Porsche and send him the money. So I did!"