Tech Support
 
        Customer:  I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it  just  doesn't work. 
        What am I doing wrong?
        Tech support:  OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
        Customer: Yeah....
        Tech support:  And what sort of computer are you using?
        Customer:  Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all 
        I get is weird noises. Listen.....
        Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

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        Tech support:  What kind of computer do you have?
        Female customer:  A white one...

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        Customer:  Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. 
       Tech support:  Have you tried pushing the button?
        Customer:  Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
        Tech support:  That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
        Customer:  No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

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        Tech support:  Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
        Customer:  Your left or my left?

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        Tech support:  Good day. How may I help you?
        Male customer:  Hello... I can't print.
        Tech support:  Would you click on start for me and...
        Customer:  Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me!  I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

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        Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't 
        find printer'. 
        I've even lifted the printer and  placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still 
        says he can't find it...

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        Customer:  I have problems printing in red...
        Tech support:  Do you have a color printer?
        Customer:  Aaaah....................thank you.

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        Tech support:  What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
        Customer:  A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

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        Customer:  My keyboard is not working anymore.
        Tech support:  Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
        Customer:  No. I can't get behind the computer.
        Tech support:  Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
        Customer:  OK
        Tech support:  Did the keyboard come with you?
        Customer:  Yes
        Tech support:  That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
        Customer:  Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

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        Tech support:  Your password is the small letter a, as in apple, a capital letter V as 
        in Victor, the number 7.
        Customer:  Is that 7 in capital letters?

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        Customer:  I can't get on the internet.
        Tech support:  Are you sure you used the right password?
        Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
        Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was?
        Customer:  Five stars.

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        Tech support:  What antivirus program do you use?
        Customer:  Netscape.
        Tech support:  That's not an antivirus program.
        Customer:  Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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        Customer:   I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my 
        computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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        Tech support:  How may I help you?
        Customer:  I'm writing my first e-mail.
        Tech support:  OK,  and what seems to be the problem?
        Customer:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the  circle around it?

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        A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
        Tech support:  Are you running it under windows?
        Customer:  "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.    The man sitting 
        in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his  printer  is working fine."

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        And last but not least:
        Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the  same time. 
        That brings up a task
         list in the middle of the screen.  Now  type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
        Customer:  I don't have a P.
        Tech support:  On your keyboard, Bob.
        Customer:  What do you mean?
        Tech support:  "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
        Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!